Did we move to soon? We only had about 3 more years of me working 7 days a week and Roy working when he could find a steady placement until we were debt free. My 2.27am brain is convinced that we might have been too hasty in our upping sticks and moving the farm here. I am also convinced I am being severely attacked by the dark side of life. I feel like there isn't a job out there for me. I have been looking and applying and looking and applying and nothing is a solid "Oh heck yeah,' I would love to do that", and I am TERRIFIED of getting into a job I HATE and getting stuck. I have this heartburn growing in my chest because I don't know what is out there for us, and I don't feel like a contributing member of society because I am not contributing financially to that society...it all makes me very teary.
I didn't picture at 31 that I would be still living at home with a parent, married, covered in bug bites, crying, unable to sleep with this little thing as my 2.32am companion.
I also didn't know I was gonna visit my only 60 year old father in a nursing home, and not have a thing of value to my name apart from my dog, and my wedding rings. It is a lot to take in and a lot to deal with and I thought I had this game on lock! I guess I don't and now it is coming out in a can't sleep, major life re-thinking, what-the-h-am-I-gonna-do-now, freak out.
To be honest I don't have much option here, I can't move back to the UK, we dont' have the money for that and we don't have jobs there either, and who knows if Alan would even let us move back in. I have to stay here and maybe start applying to "Would you like fries with that" academy., but my inner job snobbiness won't let me..but I have to suck up my pride once again and go and get the necessary done..*wretch*
I pretty sure what brought this freak out on is all the "you suck, we don't want you" letters that I am getting coupled with an interview tomorrow, that to be honest, when I applied I thought they would NEVER call me...but of course they did. I am so waiting for them to laugh me out of the interview tomorrow, and I just feel this pressure, not from anyone else but from myself, that I need to excel and be the 31 year old professional, home owner that I so desperately want to be.
Today we looked at campers thinking we would buy one and just live in that, which to honest the campers (caravans) over here are amazing, not the Mom and Pop pop up campers I grew up in...no siree bob. However now that we are jobless losers, we go to car dealers and camping centers, and troll through real estate websites and say "well we would love to purchase, rent, buy, your product however we don't have jobs and we still live at home"....also try getting a bank account here when you only have green card and a passport and no other form of "US issued photo ID"...just go ahead and try...you can't do it! We are social pariah's we are the "foreigners", sometimes I look at people and almost wonder if they are saying "Well you did this to yourself Kristen, you deserted the homeland 5 years ago, don't expect us to welcome you back with open arms now"...ugh my 2.44am brain is a stinker isn't it?
Well I don't have a positive note to end on, in fact I think that my "I will blog and get this all out, and feel much better" blog is a total failure, and has only made my want to eat all the junk food in the house (but I won't because all the chocolate and sugary, salty junk food belongs to my wonderful mother because I decided I needed to get back on SW to stop being so fat so I wouldn't get depressed) and I don't think a nice healthy apple would hit the spot...maybe a touch of trash tv will whisk me off and the sandman will appear...but what will prob happen is I will turn the TV on, Roy will come out from the bedroom and ask what is wrong, I will tell him to go to sleep because he needs to ace his fab interview tomorrow (he has one too) and I will sit here scratching my bug bites until it is time to leave for my interview feeling more like a zombie and sub consciously blow the interview anyway.....there's my 2.49am fighting spirit.
You've only been here for a month! You need to cut yourselves some slack! It takes awhile to get back in the swing off things. I didn't have my first job interview until two months in and I didn't start working until three months in. The only reason this happened for me was my previous contacts. My husband had NO contacts and he didn't even have his first interview for 10 months after we moved.
ReplyDeleteEach of you have had interviews after one month. I'd say you're doing pretty well! Nothing's going to happen immediately, but it seems that you're doing all the right things!