Saturday 29 September 2012

Interesting reading.

So I just figured out how to see how people are finding my blog online...and wow the results are a tad scary like someone found me by googling "sex in farmers" and another came via stopa cheater.com....must keep my eye on my stats a bit closer, if only for sheer entertainment.

So what has been going on with me?  Not a whole lot to be honest, well not a whole lot that I am wanting to share with the individuals looking at my blog by googling "sex in farmers". Our housing sitch remains the same, living with Mom and saving for a house, we have found loads of houses we would buy tomorrow but we are waiting and doing this the right way so Roy and I both can be  brought down financially should we fail at homeownership.  It looks like we only have about another 2 months to wait and then the ball can roll forward again.

Work is terrifying, I can't say a whole lot on the subject.  I am just really finding it difficult to enter in a system the times I get up to go pee, it just happens, I drink a lot and in turn that produces urine, which for the comfort of my co-workers and for myself I would like to go relieve myself in the bathroom...well I can go to the bathroom, I just have to let big brother know.  I am also struggling with only 1/2 hour lunches, I feel like I run down to the cafeteria throw the food at my face and whatever gets in my mouth is my lunch for the day before I have to return back to my desk.  PLEASE don't read this as my ungratefullness of having a job, I am just finding it hard to get used to.  I also feel like I am in one of those naked dreams, where I am running around in a constant state of paranoia and others are just plodding on without a care in the world....I feel like I have to stop people and say "hey I am freaking out...why aren't you?"...you know like in the naked dream where you have to tell people you are naked.  I know I will probably get used to it and all that good stuff but 6 weeks of being afraid that I will get zapped by big brother watching me makes me really tired when I get home, and OH SOOO thankful for the furry babies that just want me for walking/ball throwing/feeding/snuggling duties.

Roy and I celebrate 6 years of wedded bliss tomorrow, which makes today the day of dread.  I am handeling year 6 a lot differently then I have handeled previous years.  I actually cried today, not just reminiced and was sad, but cried like a unstoppable sob cry (of course when no one was looking), I would like to say that I am strong and I hide this from Roy, but I am not that girl, I am sad and he needs to know that I am there with him in his sadness.  I miss his mother, I didn't know her long but she was MAGICAL...I can't even describe it.  She just had a way about her that I haven't seen in anyone since, and I know some BRILLIANT people.  I miss her today, I was angry with her for at least 3 years...but today I miss her.  I wonder if she would be proud of us for how our marriage has lasted and been strong.  I wonder if she would be bitter about us moving or if she would have encouraged us to go get the things we want out of life.  Roy thinks she would have kicked us out of the house sooner, not in the get-out-of-my-house-spongers kind of way but more of a ...it is time for the birdies to fly and get out of the nest type of way...which I would have appreciated.

I think my sadness is also linked to me missing my UK life, I miss my friends and my old job (as stressful as it was).  I miss the simplicity of life there.  However I do not miss a lot of things about it there either, I don't miss the feral children, and paying for fricking everything, the lack of community spirit and the HUUUUUGGGGEEE gap between the classes.  I would move back I think, although Roy says no and he is finally happy where we are...he is right...when I lived there I wanted to be here and when I am here I want to be there...it is a cross I will have to carry.

Anywho, I am off to eat my salad and maybe fold some laundry...then it is a financial pow-wow to figure out how I am gonna be a farmers wife.




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